I had a great conversation with a friend the other day about what it means to lead in marriage. Ephesians 5:22 is clear. The call of a husband is to ‘love their wives like Christ loved the church’. The question becomes, what does that look like in different areas of marriage?

I think that one aspect of living this out is pursuing your wife in the midst of conflict.

Not an easy task. What feels easy in marital conflict is to disengage. To retreat. To shrug responsibility. To play the blame game. To follow in the footsteps of our father Adam (“the woman you gave me…”).

But according to Ephesians 5, God has placed on me the weight of reconciliation in my marriage. To embrace the unity and intimacy of my marriage as my responsibility – even when I feel like the distance between us is not my fault.

We were enemies of God and Jesus pursued us. He reconciled us to God through His blood, when we couldn’t and wouldn’t pursue Him. He initiated.

The weight of reconciliation, in my opinion, should fall on husbands for this reason. The love of Christ, which we’re commanded to emulate, is a love that reconciles.

I hope that by God’s grace I reflect this more and more in my marriage.