About a year ago, I wrote a post on why I blog. One of the reasons I stated was that a blog is a way to teach others what you’re learning. This requires some vulnerability…

So here’s something I’m learning. Really a confession. I am prone to be distracted.

One of my deepest desires is to be present with my wife and daughter (not just physically, but mentally and emotionally) but that doesn’t always come easy. Undisciplined, I’ll drift towards passivity in my marriage and in my parenting.

A mentor of mine described pursuing oneness in marriage as intentionally removing bricks from a wall that’s between you and your wife. A wall that builds itself over time. Oneness requires attention and intention. The default is division and passivity.

One way that I have started disciplining myself to be present is to protect “the window”. That’s my term for the two and a half hours from when I get home to when Lily goes to bed. During the work week, that’s the only time of day the three of us are together if I’m not home for lunch.

My new routine involves getting home, kissing my wife and my daughter, and then walking straight back to my bedroom and putting my phone on my dresser. The reason is because I know myself. If my phone is on me, I will be tempted to check email, twitter, answer texts… so my phone stays on my dresser. It’s a small but important way that I’m practicing being present.

I’m trying to discipline myself to ask questions. Good questions. Not just ‘how was your day?’. But really seeking to know my wife.  And making myself known to her as well. It’s easy to disengage after a full day of work.

The reality is that life will only get busier. I will only have more things pulling at my time with my family. And if I’m not vigilant at protecting those relationships now, then they will certainly suffer in the future.